sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
