the condom got lost in my hair
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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