I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
