Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
