I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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