a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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