guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
