My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
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May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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