omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I could fuck to npr.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
