Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
