I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
