i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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