I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
