so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
