who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have aggressive nipples.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
