He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
