I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
