I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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