he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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