Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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