So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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