Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
