i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
