so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
