you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
