There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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