Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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