Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Girls should come with a carfax report
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
