one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
