I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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