toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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