My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
