So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
