I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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