this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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