3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
soo... how was my night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
