Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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