Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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