my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
