is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize