Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
