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• (512): View more from Texas

  And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels

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• (818): View more from California

  Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (916): View more from California

  My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"

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• (718): View more from New York

  I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"

  (917): View more from New York City

  Rigtt?!

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs

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