Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill

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  (832): I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill http://tfl.nu/19kp
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (2231)
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  (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

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  (818): This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate. http://tfl.nu/k2b3
  Replies (39) Good night (1819) Bad night (4917)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.

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  (240): It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me. http://tfl.nu/ei1k
  Replies (19) Good night (1760) Bad night (4000)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.

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  (816): He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner. http://tfl.nu/o8kh
  Replies (15) Good night (1223) Bad night (3721)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

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  (904): naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea. http://tfl.nu/s2fg
  Replies (9) Good night (2791) Bad night (959)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.

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  (810): I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio. http://tfl.nu/bxp9
  Replies (10) Good night (1044) Bad night (3051)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I can feel the alcohol in my calves

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  (518): I can feel the alcohol in my calves http://tfl.nu/p5wf
  Replies (3) Good night (2942) Bad night (1012)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.

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  (518): I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how. http://tfl.nu/ue8l
  Replies (4) Good night (2369) Bad night (1084)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just don't do feelings in the summer months.

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  (917): I just don't do feelings in the summer months. http://tfl.nu/zjg3
  Replies (7) Good night (1670) Bad night (644)
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  (310): View more from California

  Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year

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  (310): Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year http://tfl.nu/x1ad
  Replies (4) Good night (1184) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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  (202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj
  Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (1190)
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  (+58): View more from

  Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.

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  (+58): Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother. http://tfl.nu/wull
  Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.

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  (614): If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine. http://tfl.nu/6hug
  Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.

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  (920): This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/h0px
  Replies (5) Good night (610) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.

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  (480): Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me. http://tfl.nu/3nkv
  Replies (1) Good night (426) Bad night (116)

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