And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs