No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered