I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
