didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday