sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
