I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
