I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
