you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
