Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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