Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
