I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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