My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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