how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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