I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
