I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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