ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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