Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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