DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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