make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
