you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
