there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
