4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
