i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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