i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
