Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
