I am puke
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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