that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
