I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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