and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize