The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
