i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
